More travel and a poem from my father

2008 has been a strange year filled with many unexpected ups and downs. While I find the year's end much sweeter than its beginning, I still wouldn't alter the course of the past 12 months for any reason -- too much was learned and gained. I will share more about my thoughts on the subject in the beginning of 2009. Until then, let me share a few more musings from the end days of 2008.

As many of you know, my grandfather died last month, causing great reflection in my family. My father, for example, turned to poetry to remember my grandfather, and I'd like to share his effort here. Thanks, Dad.

The flag covered casket was in the hearse.
The cars of family and friends were waiting in the parking lot with lights on.
Two police motorcycles roared their engines and the single police car idled its own engine.
This was for me. What an honor!
How many times I led funeral processions without thinking of my own.

What you did not see there was a third police motorcycle --
The rider was "Eddie Mac".
I led the funeral procession.
I stopped the traffic.
I made the route safe.
I got the job done.

Wow, how I missed the feel of the big powerful engine under my body --
The wind in my face, rain spitting down on me, the chill in the air --
it was the type of day that made it all worth the honor.

I know this route as I drove it many times before.
How I missed it; this is what I longed for.
God grant me one final ride.
Let me be king of the road just one more time.

You answered my prayers and I led my funeral procession to my final resting place.
As I got off my Police Harley Davidson motorcycle,
suddenly I was 17 and a Navy sailor in uniform.
I saluted the Military Honor Guard and they saluted me back for a job well done.
I stood at attention, proud to have served.
So much I have seen, but not all the stories were told.

The rifle volley reminded me of the battles and comrades that fell in harm's way;
I see them again;
they have waited for me as those before them.

As taps played, I saluted and then the voice came:
"Petty Officer First Class Edward J. McGannon,
you are now relieved of duties.
WELCOME HOME, Sailor."

***

So, in the closing days of 2008, I find myself headed back out on another adventure -- this time to a small Pacific Ocean isle where I hope to surf and sun and meditate and just be . 'Tis rather exciting. My grandfather once spent time there, so it'll be nice to spend time there, too. I mention this because I likely will not post anything on my site until 2009!

Until then, enjoy the holiday season and best wishes for the New Year.

Goodbye, Yesterday. Hello, Today and Tomorrow!

Today was a momentous day because I let go of much that I was holding onto that no longer serves me. Much of it was sparked by a feeling I had when I woke up this morning -- an agitation that I was wasting energy on things which no longer feed me and that it was finally time to do something about it. So, I decided to live up to my birth name ("Kelly" means "Warrior" in Gaelic) and be a warrior of the light, recognizing the need for action and having the courage to let go and leap forward into the unknown.

It's a mood I've been in for the last month or so and it involves throwing away, giving away, shredding, purging and releasing old material in order to make room for all which is new. I'm giving away old clothes, throwing away "stuff" which just takes up room, letting go of old friends who have moved on, etc... Essentially, I'm cleansing my space and ridding myself of anything that doesn't resonate with who I am today. And, it's entirely freeing. In fact, I find myself searching around my space to see what else I can release.

This afternoon, I spent several hours with a dear friend chatting about my unfinished Ph.D. and I heard myself say to him, "You know...I really don't want to finish it. The topic doesn't feed me and I'm really not interested in pursuing it any further. I don't want to finish this related article either. In fact, I feel pulled towards other ventures which more deeply resonate with me and bring me greater joy. This only drains me and I feel tense even thinking about it." I paused to sip my coffee and was startled when he burst out laughing, telling me he's waited YEARS for me to say this and that he hoped I would finally let it all go and move on with my life.

He's right. I always know the right course of action but sometimes I put it on the back burner until it feels right (or I feel comfortable enough with the consequences) to do something about it. And when that happens, watch out, world, because I move with lightning speed. Today I came home and PITCHED all my old Ph.D. material, saving only a few things which are of personal interest to me.

I know that this action was right because I feel so light when I think about it. I feel good. In honoring my inner feelings about the unfinished Ph.D., I am better positioned to honor truths in other areas of my life. And I cannot wait to see what comes my way from adopting more of a downstream approach to life. My hunch is that I'll be exactly where I need to be, surrounded by people I'll need to know in order to do all that which will come next.

How incredibly exciting!

Visions of Sugar Plum Faeries

"oh, i'm so excited," she squealed like a little girl,
and danced about the living room
like a little faerie sprite.
"we're going to the nutcracker, baby!
the nutcracker!"

and he laughed deeply as
he watched her dance
out her excitement of
the coming evening's events.

"i'm gonna sit there in my little seat," she continued,
"and gasp with delight when the lights dim
and say "oooo" and "awww" with
all the other people in the audience.

"oh, and baby, you should know that there's a great
possibility that i'll become four-years-old tonight
but i promise to grow up again
before we leave...
just enough to keep things legal,"
she finished with a flirtatious wink.

and they giggled together
as she continued pirouetting around the room,
eyes heavy with sugar plum dreams.

The Deep South

There is something to be said for spending time in the Deep South!

I just returned from a trip there and, inclement weather aside (read: tornado warnings/watches, tropical storm level winds, thunder that made the windows of my room shake and torrential rain which seemed to know no end), I found myself enjoying the dark brown earth, reminiscent of Peru, and the area's big sky with its equally dramatic cloud formations.

The area where I was (the south-west corner of Georgia) began to pull at me in an interesting way -- I felt embraced in genuine warmth, almost like I had fallen into my grandmother's arms for a big hug. I found myself thinking, "Oh, so THIS is Southern hospitality!" And, it was every ounce as wonderful as I had imagined.

Of course, while there is this very warm side to the South, I couldn't help but remember its other history while driving past numerous cotton and pecan tree plantations. I know that as a visitor, I cannot pretend to speak about these neighborhoods intimately; however, even as an outsider, I wasn't blind to the scars which linger there.

The Deep South, then, was utterly fascinating. My curiosity to know more about the people, their stories and the land grew exponentially during my time there, and I look forward to the opportunity to return to satiate it.

"I Am...Batman"

he finally surfaced and rang her up,
"hey, sorry about that disappearing act,"
he said quietly, looking for exoneration.

she giggled.

"it's okay," she replied.
"i knew you went to the cave
but would emerge eventually.
i just didn't know if you were sitting in the dark,
had learned to make fire,
or were decorating its walls
with drawings and paintings."

they shared a laugh over it
and she hoped he realized that
it was okay to come and go as he needed.

she just needed to know
if she should send alfred in after him
or if she should dust off the bat signal
and color the night sky with it instead.

Peru! Machu Picchu! Incas! Oh, My!

Me at Machu Picchu, Peru, November 2008

November was truly an extraordinary month. I spent the first week in Alaska soaking up its natural beauty and weeks 3 and 4 in Peru. Sadly, as I mentioned in earlier posts, my grandfather died on November 17, and I went home to Ohio to spend a few days with my family, watching the snow fall and reminiscing about my grandfather with my parents.

I've been lucky. I'm 31 years old, and it's only been in the past 14 months that I've lost part of my family -- both my dad's parents. My mom's father died when I was 2.5 years old, but I don't remember his passing and my mom's mom is still going strong. So, other than a turbulent time in high school when several people in my class died from either cancer or suicide, I've been largely free from serious grief. But my grandfather's passing really hit my heart in ways I didn't expect or foresee. I feel myself craving family these days and want to hold those I care about even more tightly in my heart. I also find myself wanting to add to the world in extraordinary ways and to leave a positive mark behind. Maybe in the form of a family of my own one day.

Hm. I think this is one of the positive aspects of death and grieving. You see your life more clearly and that which you want crystallizes with clarity rather swiftly.

Machu Picchu Views, November 2008.

So, Peru! What a dream come true! Those who have known me for some time have known that Peru & Machu Picchu have been life long dreams for me, and, voila, the opportunity to go magically presented itself to me right around the 1st of November. I couldn't believe it. Still can't! While I was there, I toured Lima, Cuzco, Machu Picchu and several other Inca sites and small Peruvian villages. I ate and drank all kinds of interesting things (guinea pig -- a local delicacy -- cantaloupe melon juice and pisco sours). Oh, and the fruit alone! I don't think I got enough of its delicious ripe fruit spreads at breakfast -- globe grapes, mangoes, papaya, strawberries, figs, passion fruit, etc... I began ordering globe grapes for dessert at every meal and would linger at the table, enjoying their plump sweetness while I watched those around me. I definitely drank in the scenery, loving the rural areas better than Lima, and feeling inspired to craft a few poems along the way.

Stunning sky on the way to Chichero, November 2008.

The Peruvian people were among the most hospitable people I've encountered in the world so far. The kindnesses I was shown rival those I witnessed in Jordan back in 2000. The Peruvians strike me as being gifted artists (incredible textiles, ceramics, jewelry and other crafts) and intrepid explorers who revere family and religion above all else. Shaman are still respected and the Catholic Church continues to have a large presence in its cities and villages. Numerous Catholic churches have groups of men and women who adopt chapels and decorate/adorn them weekly with fresh flowers, candles and other offerings, which made touring these churches all the more impressionable.

The road from Ollantaytambo to Chichero, Peru, November 2008.

Peru's physical landscape is stunning. When I arrived in Lima, which sits on the Pacific coast, I drove along breathtaking cliffs adorned with hanging gardens and beautiful parks through which people exercised or strolled. There are three zones in Peru: coastal, mountain (the Andes), and jungle. Machu Picchu sits at the beginning of the jungle and is situated in the Amazon basin, which makes it very lush and verdant. Apparently, when Hiram Bingham discovered it in 1911, it took him 4 years to clear away the jungle which protected it for hundreds of years!

Inca remains at Ollantaytambo, Peru, November 2008.

Circus

as she descended into peru,
she was greeted by a lively confectioner
who was handing out gauzy clouds
of pink cotton candy that
shimmered magically in the morning sunlight.

giggling, she sat at the
edge of her seat,
anxiously awaiting the first act.

the curtain hesitated, then parted slowly
to reveal little islands of earth
peeking through vaporous air
and acting as mysterious as magicians on stage.

and as the land of shaman and a revered people
drew nearer, she couldn't help but
draw her breath and wonder
what was in store for her during her
much anticipated stay.

Peruvians, the Sacred Valley, November 2008.

I found myself entirely fascinated and captivated by the local Peruvian women. Here they were, working hard in the fields and carrying heavy loads on their backs to and from, largely doing the tasks of men but somehow finding ways to retain their femininity in the process. I loved their dress -- large brimmed hats, hoop skirts that came to their knees, thick stockings which ended before their ankles, sandals, sweaters and/or shawls they made themselves. All bright with color and adorned with flowers. Even their animals sported decoration. I saw some llamas and alpaca with flowers or ribbons tied to their ears and I like to imagine they enjoyed flouting themselves because of it.

Chinchero, Peru, November 2008.

It's not uncommon in Peruvian villages to see mud brick homes. It costs s./5000 to build a mud brick house in Peru and another s./5000 to cover its roof in ceramic tiles. Currently, the exchange rate is 3 nuevos soles for 1 US dollar. So, one could literally buy a mud brick home in Peru for approximately $3,333. In the rural areas these homes are ubiquitous and can often be found with surviving Inca ruins as foundations, as seen in the above picture. I watched people build the bricks and leave them to dry in the sun for several days -- future building blocks for someone's home and hearth.

Inca wall, Sacsayhuaman, Peru, November 2008.

One of the most fascinating things I saw in Peru was the remains of the great Inca wall at Sacsayhuaman. What made it so intriguing is that the Incas embedded local iconography within its masonry. Look at the above picture. Can you find the puma paw?

I think that if the Incas existed today they would be characterized as diplomatic Greenpeace volunteers with a bent for vegetarianism. Not only were they able to bring together different tribes and utilize the best of those indigenous cultures, BUT they also believed the universe could be broken down into three aspects, each ruled by an creature of the planet. The condor ruled the heavenly realm, the puma tended the earthly realm, and the snake looked after the underworld. It was not uncommon to find elements of all these animals at the Incas' sacred sites, like Machu Picchu where there is a sacrificial table (for llamas NOT people) in the shape of a condor.

The Incas revered the heavens and had a great interest in astronomy and the observation of other natural phenomena. Even the names of towns and villages bear their passion for the natural world. For example, the pretty little village of Chinchero was believed to be the birth of the rainbow!

Oh, there is so much more to say about my trip for Peru, but I think I'll stop here for now and add more in the future.

Musings and Poems and Travels and Tears

When the month of November began, I had no idea that (happily) I would be offered a trip to Peru and that (sadly) my grandfather would die just a few days before my departure. I flew home that night to be with dad and stayed with him for a few days until I had to leave for Peru on business. It was so good to see him again and we stayed up late reminiscing about my grandfather, in particular, and about life, in general.

I had not been home since early May and it was so good to bury myself into my parents' arms and feel loved and supported. I'm lucky because it's always been this way with them. They've always been there for me, without question or hesitation. You see, I haven't been home to see my family since early May and that was under difficult circumstances, too, as we grieved together and tried to understand a deep loss which touched all of our heart spaces.

One of the things my grandfather's passing has taught me has been the lesson of grief. It has a funny way of entering one's heart space and, like a fussy relative, can show all that which still needs tidying. So, as I work on honoring the loss of my grandfather, I also honor the losses which preceeded him, taking the good, discarding the bad, and working to forgive everything else.

On a different and happier note, I spent about a week or so in Peru, working in Lima and traveling for pleasure through Cuzco, Machu Picchu, the Sacred Valley of the Incas and several other small villages. It was a trip to remember! The Peruvian people are so hospitable and warm that it was hard to think about leaving both them and Peru's beautiful landscape.

With so much to share, I think I'll spend the rest of this post sharing some poems I wrote about my grandfather's passing, saving pictures and thoughts on Peru for later in the week. Enjoy.

Tidal "Eddie"

she sat and looked out onto the pacific ocean,
observing its familiar rhythm of
swell and retreat
and
hello and goodbye
and
arrival and departure.

and from deep within came tears
which merged with the tidal
dance that had carried away
her grandfather.

her lungs became the shore
upon realizing the ocean's absence,
gasping hard for air and
gaining just enough before
fresh waves came to feed her grief.

***

Generational Movement

on the day her grandfather died,
she felt the earth quake beneath her feet
and she fell to her knees in confusion.

a generational plate had submerged
itself underground and she felt the shift
as a new generation moved to take its place.

she was thrust into a new plane of life --
without choice or consent,

and she picked herself up off the ground
determined to embrace
life without a generation
but knowing intuitively she would add one of her own.

***

Achy-Breaky Heart

she had ached to be alone
to privately relieve her sadness
but now, in that desired space,
she wished for the comfort of strong arms
and soothing words and joined silence.

the enigma of opposition.

and so it was that her emotions
tossed her back and forth
between the two extremes of her heart space,

searching for equilibrium after
the heartquake which was
her grandfather's passing.