Wednesday, November 17, 2010

awakening

the void coats the shaman,
standing there,
straddling two worlds.

there is no unnecessary movement
but breath,
and it is even.

the dawn of light
wakes in ink
and visual pathways,
full of irradiation and effulgence,
gyrate with subtle incandescence.

there is only one action - 
to plunge within,
as orion half rises into consciousness
above the darkened tree line of memory. 

Monday, November 15, 2010

Zen

Giant Buddha, Kamakura, Japan, cast 1252 C.E., November 2010

drinking sencha,
i observe slurps
and smacks
as men consume
sustenance with sticks.

the cadence intensifies -
click, clank, tink!
japanese singing soup bowls
surround me,
deftly played by musicians
who signal
finality with 
one
loud
orchestrated 
belch.
copyright November 2010 

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Out Trekking

Apologies for the lack of blog posts the past few weeks. 
I've been out walking in the world, losing myself in woods and other wild places, 
but I'll return soon with fresh thoughts and words. 

Until the next, may your own wanderings and journeys be restorative.

Friday, October 8, 2010

Satsang with Gangaji

I just finished reading "You Are That!" Satsang with Gangaji and found myself nodding through the whole book. Yep, it all made pretty sound sense to me. All of it. Here are a few of the passages that struck me most:


"Discriminating wisdom recognizes the folly of chasing impermanent things in search of permanence. Whether it is in money, food, lovers, or great spiritual states, it is foolish to search for something permanent in something that is inherently impermanent...recognition of impermanence is like a thunderclap opening the mind. Not a belief, not a hope, not a theory -- but a realization that all of your grasping has been in vain. All of your rejecting has been in vain. All mind activity of attempting to hold, to keep, or to deny has been in vain. If you link up realization with particular experience, then in your mind, realization is a thing. No thing is permanent" (p. 51). 

"Self-inquiry is vigilance. If in any moment you feel pulled towards identification with suffering, ask yourself the question, "who is suffering?" The belief, I am not THAT, and the resulting suffering must be faced. Direct experience is self-inquiry. Who is not That? Who is suffering? In self-inquiry, one uncovers self-denial through fabrication of thought. Belief in fabricated thought as reality leads to suffering. In the moment of directly experiencing the fabrication, the lie is exposed and annihilated" (pp. 160-61).

"Attention gets its attentiveness from pure awareness, which is who you are. Self-definition only keeps you fixated on waves while yearning to find the deep. The ocean has no problems with waves. Never for a moment does the ocean imagine the waves as separate from itself. Never for a moment does the ocean imagine its depths as separate from itself. Never for a moment does the ocean imagine there is any separation between wave and depth. Be the ocean. This is vigilance" (p. 166).

"All is true self. There is no separation anywhere. Suffering comes while imagining separation from self. Fear arises around whatever it is you imagine you are separate from" (p. 170). 

Sunday, October 3, 2010

the goddess walks on

decay smells good,
i muse as another flash of orange
presents itself to my sneaker.

crunch.
crumble.
snap.

my steps play a role
in life's great turnover.
with one movement i create ash
and fragile bones crush beneath my feet.

i feel like kali --
the great devourer --
as i walk and plod through death.

all dissolves before me.
farmers remove gold from dried earth
and hang up their scythes for the season.
i watch as they scurry towards the hearth
and shut wooden doors firmly behind them.

i stand on resting soil,
stick out my tongue
and create a new universe.


in the silence that follows,
i join the dervishes
and spin faster and faster
in orbit around something holy.




Friday, September 10, 2010

Karma

There had been a rising -- billions of years ago and again today. I think about this as I scramble up crags to 3500 feet. Man and the USG have marked the summit with a bit of bronze. I can't help but run my hand over the metal staple, musing about its history and the hands which have touched it before me. The man next to me tells me quietly that THIS is where storms are born. He's right. Up above, I observe clouds which hold water molecules that have known millions of expressions. They endlessly play their parts in a great karmic wheel. Evaporation. Condensation. Precipitation.  Repeat. The geography always changes, but they never leave Earth. Poor doomed little molecules!

I glance again behind me - at this man who shields himself from a hurricane's leftovers. Is this not also a possible re-do? We're straddling the ridge line, living in two realities at once. Infinite futures and parallel universes stretch across my plane, all possible depending on where I direct my consciousness.  

Out in the valley, shadows wheel their way towards us, shape shifting like entities out of the Tibetan Book of the Dead. We speculate when and where they will strike.  Here? There? How soon? Will we scream out of fear or ecstasy? I close my eyes and want to grab a nearby hand, wondering if the scythe will mark us now or brush past us as a reminder that days are limited and the wheel stills spins.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

I write

I've committed to write a short story by 2 October. It's for a potluck dinner--Polidori style--at a friend's home.  I'm kicking around some contenders -- the characters in each have a different story to tell. Some of are more compelling than others. 


I debate. Which one?

I fear. Will it be good enough?

I take a deep breath.

Here goes!


Saturday, August 14, 2010

Playing with stones


i sit and play with stones,
building one layer at a time.

i choose carefully --
rubbing each piece of earth with my thumb.
what fits? 
this or that?
i pause and search for another candidate.

holding my breath, i stack one more block
in a ring i want to wear.

are you listening?
is there room for me 
in your sun drenched world?

i stand.
record.
what will the elements and time
do to this window within?
to that which i build? 

Monday, August 9, 2010

Sturm und Drang

i sat up when i discovered
"sturm und drang,"
which loosely translates into
"storm and stress."

i might know a thing or two about that.
so might you.

the germans apparently know a lot about it.

webster's dictionary tells me
that the phrase comes from
an 18th century dramatic movement,
focusing on high emotionalism and action
that rouses an individual's revolt against society.

the skater kid next to me nods and says:
"rage against the machine, lady."
he picks at his board for just a second and skates on.
maybe he feels i'm already there.

i'd get out of dodge too.
i thought i had.

***

what is this life really about?

today someone shared a secret wish
of being greeted by a family
upon returning from work.

it made for a pretty picture
and i yearned for its framing.

isn't that what we all want?
for love to find us at the threshold
where soft havens, scents and whispers await?
safe harbor from the storms
and the stress?

i look for the red shoes.
they should be on my feet.
maybe, if i click three times,
i, too, can find my way home --
out of the twister
and into the calm.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Hiatus

I'm taking a break from cyberspace for a bit but will re-emerge at
summer's end with new thoughts, pictures, dreams, and musings.
Enjoy whatever season in which you find yourself!

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Notes from the Universe

This past week I've been dipping into Mike Dooley's "Notes from the Universe," which has been great fun.

Here are a few of my favorites:

Anyone watching you? Good. This is a double-secret exercise.

Pretend you just received a phone call with wonderful, mind-blowing, life-changing news! As you put down the receiver, your arms fly up over your head with joy. Pumping fists, then waving palms, like you just crossed a finish line before throngs of adoring fans. You cover your face with your hands, trying to contain the euphoria, but it doesn't work, so you reach for the sky again while shaking your head in disbelief. You're grinning, crying, and just so happy! Yes! Life is awesome, and you feel so grateful!!!!!!! Got it? Now if someone catches you doing this, just tell 'em it was your pet psychic who called, and they'll forget everything they just saw.

The Universe xxoo

PS -- Show me what you want to feel, create the feeling within yourself, and I'll then orchestrate the circumstances, however outlandish, that will help you feel it again, and again, and again.

***

It's not real! Don't go there!

The things and events of time and space are like Play-doh; fictional, make-believe.

What matter are what you feel in your heart and the dreams that flit through your head. This is the ultimate test, to discover what's real in a sea of illusions.

You can do it or you wouldn't be here. Don't look to the world for clues, not even to your family, friends, or career. Look within. You decide what's right. You decide what's possible. You write the script and lay down the laws. You are the door, the path, and the light.
***

Whosoever may torment you, harass you, confound you, or upset you is a teacher. Not because they're wise, but because you seek to become so.

Sunday, July 4, 2010

walkabout

i wander through loamy earth
and listen to thunder bombs.

footprints in top soul.
i look back -- just once--
to check for reality.

the dogs scatter ahead,
sniffing, as i move my
searchlight this way and that,
looking for what has departed on walkabout.

childhood sighs
of womanhood stretched ahead
now bring a sense of frantic kinetics
and loss.

i sweep left to right
look and look again,
consult the shaman,
and hunt for the blood
which should seep under my feet
like oil from sand.

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Thoughts to Chew On -- Fred Alan Wolf and Gretel Ehrlich

I devoured a few books this week and chewed on a few thoughts worth sharing. First up was Fred Alan Wolf's "Parallel Universes,"which neatly lays out the theory that parallel universes likely exist and we likely brush up against them more than we realize. Is Einstein right? Do black holes serve as bridges to other realms? Can alter egos spring into existence at the flip of a coin? Do lucid dreaming and schizophrenia mark the overlap of parallel worlds? Are synchronicities merely clues that my future self is giving to my present self to help get me through a day?

Stop and consider that. Really. It just blows my feathers off. He writes:

"These additional bubbled not only do not exist in just one universe, they exist in parallel universes--universes that can be reached from our universe via a process called quantum tunneling. In this process an electron is able to suddenly vanish in one universe and appear in another. Indeed, if this idea is correct, much of what we now call psychic phenomena, altered states of awareness, channeling of conscious beings, spirits, ghostly apparitions, flying saucers, and other unexplainable phenomena could be explained as information tunneling---coming from parallel universes" (pp. 176-77).
***

Gretel Ehrlich is another poet-writer I admire, especially her ruminations on space and home. She possesses the uncanny ability to transport one into her experience, her moment, with the dash of a few staccato words. In "A Match to the Heart," Ehrlich describes her experience of being struck by lightening and her movement through recovery. Many passages of the book make me want to spray paint the words on the sides of buildings. I resist but share them here:

"I thought of another Eskimo shaman story: "When the bear of the glacier comes out he will devour you and make you a skeleton and you will die. But you will awaken and your clothes will come rushing to you" (p. 149).

"In the Bardo Thodol, known as the Tibetan Book of the Dead, bar means "between"; and do "a landmark that stands between two things"; joined together, bardo means "gap." It refers to the wandering state between life and death, confusion and enlightenment, neurosis and sanity. The past has just occurred, and the future has not yet happened. In the bardo of the human realms we experience the body as illusory. Our relationship to our own existence and nonexistence is lukewarm. The whole world is a hiatus; the gap is not a widening in the road before the next bend, it is where the road falls off the cliff.

"The bardo has also been described as a vast and desolate plain littered with corpses and bleached bones and feral animals feeding on remnant flesh, a plain that is crowded and empty at the same time where animals copulate wildly, fall away from each other, and move on. Then it's a gray ocean again with no surface and no bottom, no reference points, no lighthouse, no breakwater guarding the harbor, no guiding light to lead me home. The bardo state occurs not only at the moment of death or the moment before death, but all during our lives; the bardo is the uncertainty and groundlessness we often feel" (pp. 39-40).

"I felt like a river moving inside a river: I was moving but something else was rushing over top of me. There was too much to take in: the deep familiarity with a place where I had lived for so long and the detachment a year away brings. The rivers were layers of grief sliding, the love of open spaces being nudged under fallen logs, pressed flat against cutbanks and point bars. I felt as if I'd never left, and at the same time as if I could never come home" (p. 140).

Monday, June 28, 2010

The Right Questions

I just finished reading Debbie Ford's "The Right Questions." I saw the book in the library and dug the theory that asking better questions can bring about a more fulfilling, meaningful life. So, what are the right questions? All have to do with choice and what we willingly accept in our lives. Read on.

1. Will this choice propel me toward an inspiring future or will it keep me stuck in the past?

2. Will this choice bring me long-term fulfillment or will it bring me short-term gratification?

3. Am I standing in my power or am I trying to please another?

4. Am I looking for what's right or am I looking for what's wrong?

5. Will this choice add to my life force or will it rob me of my energy?

6. Will I use this situation as a catalyst to grow and evolve or will I use it to beat myself up?

7. Does this choice empower me or does it disempower me?

8. Is this an act of self-love or is it an act of self-sabotage?

9. Is this an act of faith or is it an act of fear?

10. Am I choosing from my divinity or am I choosing from my humanity?

There were several important points I took away from Ford's book. Here were the ones that rang out for me. I offer them as an example of the interesting nuggets her book offers:

  • My only job is to tend to my inner flame and keep it vital and roaring at all costs.
  • Are the choices I'm making throughout my day ones that will add fuel to my inner fire?
  • Am I following a vision map of all my deepest and most profound dreams OR am I following a default map which smacks of automatic programming?
  • What are my real first commitments? These are the beliefs or commitments I have made to myself unconsciously which may prevent conscious goals and dreams from taking flight. Another way to frame this is: what underlying commitments drive us to repeat the same self-sabotaging behaviors over and over again?
The book is a terrific exercise in learning more about yourself. Heartily recommend!

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Passage

there's a storm coming, child.
see how the leaves flip their skirts
to reveal silver legs in flight?

take comfort.
the gods always send messengers
to warn the people.

come into the hearth
where baked sugar beckons
and my cracked fingers
and old eyes can better find your tears.

'cuz your momma, baby,
your momma's not coming home no more.

iris has lowered her rainbow bridge
and souls take their passage.

press into my soft arms
so that your loss can journey
through old cotton
into the space of my heart.

inside, a tender lullaby
joins the wails of a child.

outside, the gods
incite electricity into fire
and the heavens pour down a cleansing
to match our own.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Listen, my Child -- For the International Council of Thirteen Indigenous Grandmothers

i like for you to be still, my child,
and listen to what your grandmothers
whisper to you
when the night is blackest,
and even the tigers retreat
into the shadows to sleep.

your black feet
and yellow feet
and red feet
and white feet
are birthed by the same mother
who holds and cradles you.
mitakuye oyasin.

we are one.
there is only one.
does it tickle your ear
as i breathe it into the air?

all of you, my seed carriers.
listen.
this is my precious give-away.

come to the sacred waters--
to the running waters
and to the frozen waters--
come and listen
to the ancient one.

for the selkie has risen from the depths
to bask on sun-baked rocks
as she has done since the moon was young.

but man has captured her
and dragged her away far from home.
she cannot go back
and drifts without purpose
while her sealskin stretches like
oil over water,
always out of reach,
black tears of her exile.

listen.

one among you will rise
and swim to her,
so that she may heal.

listen.

is it you?

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Quantum Physics and Dreaming

My interest in dreams takes me to all kinds of unusual (or usual!) places. Most recently, I've been digging into books on quantum physics and thinking about its relationship with consciousness. I dig movies like "What the Bleep Do We Know?!" and writers like Fred Alan Wolf because their theories stretch my brain, get my synapses firing at a faster rate, and indulge my belief that what we think, we create.

I just devoured Wolf's "The Dreaming Universe," which, like Izthak Bentov's work (definitely check out his book "Stalking the Wild Pendulum"), really challenges what you consider "reality."

Here's a few of my favorite quotes from Wolf's book, ones I like to return to often, to consider, chew and dream about:

"Legends have attempted to describe this. For example, the Australian Aboriginal people believe that a Great Spirit dreamed all of reality, the whole universe of it, into existence. They say that the land they walk is a reflection of this Great Spirit's dream, and then they walk this land, they become aware of the songs of their legends, which resonate with the land itself. These songs resonate as song lines in the earth and give them directions. There are stories of runners moving across the land at great speeds in the dark, seeing the glow of the song as vividly as if they were running along a great lighted highway. They can find out where to go, where the sacred grounds are, as if this spirit were still speaking to them and lighting the way" (p. 345).

"When we dream, we return to that reality in order to gain information about how to survive in this reality. But survival may not be as it seems from a single perspective" (p. 346).

***

"We become afraid because people tell us what is real and what is not real. But we sense an inner conflict with what people tell us. We feel fear because we know that the viewpoint of, say, a political system is not consistent with our own view. The Communist Party is not the answer to the world. The capitalist system is not the answer for the world's problems. Going to war is not the answer to the world. We know these things from some deeper voice inside ourselves. What happens is that fearful images enter our minds, and we don't realize this. But if you have fearful images, they tend to come into reality: whatever you can imagine begins to appear as if we called it into existence.

"We are creating these images as realities because the universe is ambivalent and paradoxical. It doesn't care what you produce. It doesn't say to you that you can't do this and you can do that. It is like a mother who loves all of her children: the ugly ones, the beautiful ones, the starving ones, and the rich fatted ones--it doesn't care. It says whatever you create as imagery, so will it be. Why? Because at the core of the universe, at its most fundamental level, it is not solid stuff. It is not hard reality. It is capable of forming reality into whatever our images produce" (p. 348).

There is much more to say on this point and I plan to return to this thought often in the coming weeks. The point is to clean up your thoughts, your vibrations and your energy, so that you effectively remove any resistance between you and what you are wanting. (i.e. those who are interested in this line of thinking, do be sure to check out the Abraham-Hicks material on the Law of Attraction. Good stuff!)

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Wolves

I'm lately fascinated by wolves. I love it when they find me in dreams, meditations, on billboards, in waking life. It makes sense then to learn more about them. Barry Lopez's "Of Wolves and Men" and Smith and Ferguson's "Decade of the Wolf" have given me tremendous insight into wolf biology and behavior. Other books and writers provide the mythos -- "Wolf Totem," certain fairy tales ("Firebird," "Little Red Riding Hood," "Three Little Pigs," "The Dog and the Wolf"), Jack London.

People fear the wild wolf and call it "dangerous." I admire it as a great hunter and respect its pack mentality. Wolves typically nurture the young and tend the old. Here are a few of my favorite passages from Lopez's work:

"In the native American cosmology, insofar as it can be regarded as the same from tribe to tribe, the universe was perceived in six directions: the space above; that below; and the four cardinal divisions of the world horizon. Frequently on the plans the bear represented the west, the mountain lion the north, the wolf the east, and the wildcat the south. They were regarded as the creatures with the greatest power and influence in the spirit world.

"The Pawnee of present-day Nebraska and Kansas differed from most other tribes in that they divided their world horizon into four semi cardinal points, assigning the wolf to the southeast. In the Pawnee cosmogony the wolf was also set in the sky as a star, along with the bear and the two cats, to guard the primal female presence, the Evening Star. The Wolf Star was read -- the color associated with the wolf by virtually every tribe (red did not signify blood; it was simply an esteemed color.)
(p. 102)

***

"The Pawnee conceptualization of the wolf was that he was an animal who moved like liquid across the plains: silent, without effort, but with purpose. He was alert to the smallest changes in his world. He could see very far--"two looks away," they said. His hearing was so sharp he could even hear a cloud as it passed overhead. When a man went into the enemy's territory he wished to move exactly like this, to sense things like the wolf, to be Wolf.

"The sense of being Wolf that came over a Pawnee scout was not the automatic result of putting on a wolf skin. The wolf skin was an accoutrement, an outward sign to the man himself and others who might see him that he was calling on his wolf power. It is hard for the Western mind to grasp this and to take seriously the notion that an Indian at times could be Wolf, could actually participate in the animal's spirit, but this is what happened. It wasn't being like a wolf; it was having the mind set: Wolf." (pp. 112)