Bearing With Me

they were camping
in grizzly country
and she was petrified.

but she knew that bears
didn't like a lot of noise,
so she blew her whistle
for eight hours straight.

her friend
doesn't like whistles anymore.

Lions and Tigers and Bears

"life is really like
the animal planet,"
she said.

"everyone's out there
marking their territory
and the trick is just
not to get peed on."

Deejaying a Private Set

she was asked recently
if she danced.

"do you stomp, slither,
sashay, swing, slide,
move and groove
with abandon?
with wild spontaneity?"
her friend wondered.

she giggled when she
read the question
because she did all
that and more -
and that was before lunch.

*

upon deeper reflection, though,
she knew that nothing coaxed
her inner goddess out onto
the world's dance floor like
the sound of her own
distinct soul music.

and the goddess within purred
in delight upon recognizing
the music's first strains and chords.

she sultrily stepped into the reverberations
and whirled herself into oblivion.

Infinite Possible Futures

they sat around the table
laying tarot
and divining the future.

"this is so much fun,"
she told her friend.
"i'm so excited!"

"so, get ready to focus
on your question,"
her friend advised
as she shuffled the deck.

and as the cards
revealed themselves to her,
her smile grew exponentially
because it was exactly
as she had seen it herself.

and the confirmation of this
made her giggle with wild and
unabashed abandon.

Tigger Grooves

one day her angel
came to her while
jumping up and down
on a pogo stick.

"these things are the coolest,"
she said,
"i've been going non-stop
for twenty-four hours."

she giggled as she watched
her angel bounce around.

"you gotta get one.
i mean, why fly when
you can pogo?"

Stellar Contrails

when the night was quiet
they slipped into its dark places,
searching for the perseid meteor shower.

"i've never seen a meteor,"
he confessed,
"so i don't know exactly what
to look for."

"you'll know it
when you see it,"
she said mysteriously.
"just wait. it's ephemeral magic."

and as cassiopeia danced above them
a bright streak grazed the sky
and they exhaled both awe and wonder.

"now," she paused,
"close your eyes and make a wish."

so there they stood,
shrouded in darkness, in air that
moved like summer lilies
and made silent, private wishes that
now found wings on a celestial object.

Mooning Over Austen's England

she was in love with
jane austen's england and all
its polite manners, country dances
and exclamations of
"capital! capital!"

but what captured her heart
most of all were the
carefully written letters
of her heroes.

few could craft a missive
like fitzwilliam darcy or
captain wentworth.
and she'd often find herself day dreaming
she was either elizabeth bennet
or anne elliot.

but, she also knew that
it was just a matter of time
until her own hero penned her
a letter that'd leave her breathless.

in the meantime, she happily
snuggled into her couch,
munched on some popcorn and
watched wentworth write anne
that one particular letter
for the 100th time,
dreaming of what was to come.

Flights Of Elevation

she always enjoyed
riding elevators
because of the possibilities
they offered.

but what made her giggle out loud
was the personality of
one particular elevator at work

because whenever she stepped
onto it, a particular someone else
always got on a few floors down

and she had to wonder
if the elevator was bored with
its day job and recently decided
to play matchmaker to keep things interesting.

Alice

"alice and the bluebird" by leah piken kolidas and purchased by me. =)

she hung the painting
of alice opposite her bed
in order to remind herself
to journey often.

and to always
take the rabbit hole
when presented to her,
remembering, of course,
to bring a flashlight

because, sometimes,
it gets a little
dark in the labyrinth.

Pizza Aficionados

they were chatting
about spiders and he told
them that they loved food -
"especially pizza," he said.

"pizza?" she exclaimed curiously.

"oh, yeah" he stated.
"i mean, what spider doesn't like
pizza? baby spiders love it.
teenage spiders love it.
spiders on their last leg love it.
there are even some spiders that
will work minimum wage for it."

"but you gotta watch them,"
he said seriously,
"because they use the toppings
to practice new web designs,
and this really slows down their delivery service."

A Preference For Cherry

her sister had
just moved into
a converted factory
when she called her late at night.

"i think i have a ghost,"
she whispered.
"a little irish boy named danny.
he seems lonely."

"well, maybe you should read him
some children's books,"
her sister suggested.
"ooo, and do it with accents.
kids always like that."

"you know what else he likes?"
her sister said mysteriously.
"cherry lollipops. he won't touch
the other flavors i leave out for him."

and she burst out in giggles
imagining her sister
furtively leaving cherry lollipops
behind for a little lonely ghost
only she could see.

You're Not In Kansas Anymore!

as they settled in the
elevator together,
she found herself admiring
the other woman's
sassy red shoes.

"ooo," she squealed with delight.
"what fun red shoes you have!"

the other woman looked
down with pride and said,
"i love them, too,
but i'm nervous because
they're a little bold."

"well, maybe it's good to
give folk something to talk about,"
she offered.
"and if they don't like them,
you can always click your heels
together three times and go
somewhere else."

"some days," she confided with a wink,
"i find myself going lots of
interesting places."

Yum in the Tum

she smiled to herself
as she pulled her breakfast
from the microwave.

it was a whole bowl
full of tasty cream of wheat,
blueberries, soy milk,
and agave nectar.

"cream of wheat is awesome,"
she exclaimed,
"especially when it's lumpy like this.
i mean, why is it THIS good?"
she wondered aloud as she stirred.

her friend looked up from
her book and playfully said,
"that would be because it's not a cereal --
it's a nectar of the gods."

and they had a terrific
giggle over it as she
happily took her first bite.

Cosmic Tea Party

she told her about
fear being a darkroom
where negatives developed

and her friend paused
and said, "well, we'll have to
install some twinkly lights and
invite fireflies to play."

"ooo," she exclaimed with mirth,
"what about laser beams
and glow in the dark cat eyes?"

"and we can't overlook sparklers
and shooting stars, can we?"
her friend added.
"we must invite them, too."

and then they decided they
better serve tea and moon cookies
so that all their guests would feel
refreshed and more inclined to
help them redecorate.

Bits and Starts

there are several rivers which work their way through missoula.
one was very close to where i used to live and it snaked through a
lovely little nature preserve i used to frequent.
i loved it -- watching the great horned owls
sit passively in the pine trees and the bald eagles
play in the river.

the spring melt quickened the river and moved a downed tree
at just the perfect angle so that when things quieted in
the fall and winter, i used to climb out on it and
listen to the river's musings.

it had so much to say and i was grateful to listen rather than speak.

***

she was decidedly a morning person --
enjoying the absolute silence as she began her days.
but as she walked to the elevator, she paused, considering that perhaps she was also
a night owl, as the night offered quiet times, too.

and she had to wonder what it meant to want to live life
predominantly on the periphery -- away from others -- and
absorbed in a silence which fed her more than anything.

***

she glanced at the elderly couple seated next to her in the coffee shop.
they sat in silence, each absorbed in a section of the washington post.
the woman punctuated the silence with staccato descriptions of available properties
as advertised in the real estate section.

"three bedrooms." "close to national zoo." "marbled entrance."
and she rustled the paper to get her husband's attention.

he never glanced up from his own section

but he did occasionally reach for their shared coffee cup.

the woman offered several raspy sighs and murmured "i just don't understand"
and she found herself wondering if she had meant her husband's lack of interest

or the mercurial moods of the real estate market.

Tie-Dye & Perfume

"i'm searching for
something new,"
she told the perfumer.
"something fresh but musky
and a tad mysterious," she added.

the perfumer smiled.
"come with me," she said.
"i think i know what
you're after."

and she spent the next half hour
introducing her to the most intriguing scents.
"try this one," she suggested.
"it's like tie-dying your
skin with fragrance."

and she smiled to herself
thinking how fun it would
be to touch ribbons of her
skin with a new perfume,

but leave other
parts untouched,

subtly inviting
someone else to
figure out the difference.

Yabba Dabba Do

he looked at her with
curiosity while
she took her daily vitamins.

"that's a whole lot of
green stuff you're taking,"
he observed.

she smiled after taking
a big gulp of water.
"yep. it's a whole
day's worth of fruits and veggies.
i take three a day,"
she countered.

he shook his head in disbelief.
"you know,
there's a reason why
there's a complete adult dosage
in one flintstone chewable vitamin.

you should look into that."

Annoyances

she decided
her old advisor
was an ogre
that needed slaying.

because every time
she dreamed about
picking up where
she left off,

he'd raise his ugly
mug and try to scare her.

and she was getting rather
annoyed at his constant
interference.

Little Miss Muffet

there was a spider
infestation at work.
and many a night
would go by when

one or two would
repel from the ceiling
and come visit her
when she least expected it.

"ack!" she'd shout.
"did you see that one?" she'd exclaim.
"i mean it was *so* big,
it was wearing shoes!"

"i don't like it when
visiting spiders are that big,"
she added,
"unless, of course, they're
inviting me to the newest dance
club to spin a web or two."

"'cuz, i could see how you'd
need shoes for that."

Phoenix

"how do you know your
heart is ready," he asked.

and she paused,
contemplating the question.

"it's when you no longer
hold onto the past," she offered.

and just to make sure
she went home and burned all the
dead matter from the last year of her life,

ultimately using the ashes to fertilize the grounds
of her heart for someone new.

Hit the Road, Jack!

back in montana
she had a small mouse
that liked to tap out
morse code from the recesses of
her closet in the
middle of the night.

it annoyed her.

she'd often throw a pillow
at the closet at 3am
and sleepily grumble,
"come, on, jack!
knock it off, little mouse.
give a girl a rest!"

but then she thought
maybe he just really wanted
to be in a band
and was musically frustrated.

so, she started singing him
a little ray charles before she
fell asleep, hoping
he'd take the hint
and take his show on the road.

it at least allowed her
to giggle about it.

she just hoped he
wouldn't invite her to sing backup.

Advice

ride naked on
a naked horse.

that's good advice,
she thought,
unless you're riding
the horse
in the sahara
without sunscreen.

~from "a book of private conversations," copyright 8 august 2008.

Minotauromachy

I smile because the universe has a delicious sense of humor. Several weeks ago, I had a very realistic dream in which I followed a dream guide into a hole in the ground and we traveled superluminally through its many twists and turns. I'm not sure if it was a wormhole or not, but it seemed to possess the same qualities as one.

In its beginning, the guide and I were standing across each other -- the hole was between us -- and he was encouraging me to jump into it and follow him. It took some coaxing and some hesitancy on my part before I leaped into the unknown, feeling, of course, a little like Alice in the process.

I could see him ahead of me in the hole (he had jumped first) and I worried that I wouldn't be able to catch up -- we were moving so quickly. But, I called out to him for his help and he lingered, grabbed my arm and suddenly we were on board a pretty little sailboat in an unknown sea.

Because it was such a powerful and personal dream, I am choosing to withhold much of the detail for now. However, I've been back to visit him on board that little ship two other times and I feel he has become a great teacher.

In my second visit to him, I found myself back at the hole; however, it was now guarded by a minotaur. The minotaur tells me that I should not pass without my guide present, but I tell him that I'm comfortable with the travel and am confident that I can reach my guide without help. He reluctantly allows me to pass but gives me an ominous warning.

***

I've been meaning to write about this encounter and some of my other dreams lately but find that proper time to sit and ponder has been elusive. It has been a rather busy yet exciting week filled with unexpected twists and discoveries. Best of all? Incredible cases of synchronicity and serendipity which have left me giggling and amazed.

The above Picasso sketch is one such example but how I arrived to it is rather serendipitous in its own right. As many of you know, my summer has been one spent falling in love with the writings of Carl Jung and Joseph Campbell (yes, they ARE my literary boyfriends!). I'm trying to read everything both have written and currently I am working my way through Campbell's "The Hero With A Thousand Faces." In it, he describes the creation of the minotaur (pp. 8-11) and the well-worn path of the hero.

"Furthermore, we have not even to risk the adventure alone; for the heroes of all time have gone before us; the labyrinth is thoroughly known; we have only to follow the thread of the hero-path. And where we had thought to find an abomination, we shall find a god; where we had thought to slay another, we shall slay ourselves; where we had thought to travel outward, we shall come to the center of our own existence; where we had thought to be alone, we shall be with all the world (p. 18)."

A resulting search for the descriptor "Minotauromachy" led me to the 1935 Picasso etching by the same name. In it, there is a brave young woman who approaches the minotaur without fear. She is a traveler and carries flowers as an offering and a man follows her down into the place where the minotaur lives. There is much about this image which matches my dream.

Still, even I almost missed the small sailboat in the background.

The small sailboat that is to the left of the minotaur's body.

The small sailboat which perfectly matches the one upon which I traveled in my dream.

I could only marvel.

I could only giggle.

Thoreau

Daguerreotype of Thoreau, taken in June 1856. He is 39 years old.


they were speaking
about thoreau
and comparing
favored passages.

and she was reminded
of the time she discovered
his daguerreotype
in the national portrait gallery.

his gaze was arresting
and when she drew closer
she heard him whisper to her
"go confidently in the
direction of your dreams."

and she paused,
absorbing this.

"okay," she whispered back,
readying her leave,
"but, just one thing, henry.
explain the beard."

and she could have sworn
he snorted with laughter
as she left the room.

When a Bike is a Motorcycle

he told her he
was calling it a day
and she wished
him a pleasant eve.

"i took my bike into
work today," he offered.
"oh, you should get
a move on," she said,
suddenly concerned,
"because it's
raining in maryland."

and when a cloudburst
followed a few minutes later,
she pictured him
soaking wet on his mountain bike.

until she woke up
in a fit of giggles in the
middle of the night,
realizing that
by "bike" he meant
"motorcycle."

and she giggled
and giggled
and giggled
her way back
into her dreams.

Apple Showers

he wondered what
muse was late
at her door.

the dragon?
the firefly?
the angel?

then he told her
that it rained apples
while he slumbered last night
and that he awoke to
a yard full of
small red orbs.
"what do you think this means,"
he mused.

she told him it
was rather likely that
the apple tree was
listening into his dreams
again and knew he was
craving fresh apple cobbler.

she paused, "either that
or you need more fiber
in your diet."

Growing BIG

every day in the silence
she stood over her soul
and watered it,
humming while she
did so.

a friend paused and said,
"what are you doing?"

she looked up cheerfully
and replied, "oh, i'm just
growing my soul.
it's so important to
water it daily and
hum while you do so
because it encourages dancing.

and a dancing soul is much better
than a sleeping one,
don't you think?"

from "a book of private conversations," copyright 7 august 2008

"I'm Not Really A Waitress"

they were sitting
in the sun
eating papayas
and sharing stories
of girlhoods past.

it soothed her to listen to
her mellowed south african accent
and the way the stories
tumbled out of her memory.

and when the octogenarian started smoothing
the papaya onto her face,
she giggled out loud,
and followed suit.

so there they were
sitting in the sun with papaya coated faces,
merrily debating the benefits of choosing
opi's "i'm not really a waitress"
over "you're such a kabuki queen"
for her next pedicure.

~ from "a book of private conversations," 5 august 2008

It's Time...

she was a voracious
reader and often joked
about needing an
intervention with her
public library card.

until the day she
woke up and realized she was
tired of reading other people's writing
and was anxious to begin her own.

~ from "a book of private conversations," 5 august 2008

Permit to carry a sword

when she was little,

she hated that her name
meant 'warrior.'

but now
that she's older,
she really loves it
because it means
she gets to
carry around a sword
without needing a permit.

from "a book of private conversations", copyright 1 august 2008.

***




Being a warrior, methinks, has less to do with slaying dragons or other frightening shadows but more to do with courage. I've decided to start being more courageous with my own creative pursuits, partly inspired by this link I saw on my friend Leah's blog. The Be Brave Project has inspired me to have more gumption and moxie in my daily life.

So, what does that mean? I choose to look at it as an invitation to start putting my work in front of publishers (something my friend Roland and, of course, dear Giacomo have suggested to me over the years).

I've made the first step in sending the skeleton of the children's book I wrote when I was 8.5 years old over to my friend, Lauren, who has agreed to act as illustrator. She's lovely and so wildly creative -- we met at Yale and traveled to Israel together on the same fellowship back in 2000. Since then, she's not only set up a terrific B&B in Beacon, NY in an old home which she helped to renovate -- it also happens to be the best respite a girl could ask for, *but* she also designs couture wedding gowns and preserves them. I can't wait to see what she comes up with regards to the book.

Synchronized Swimming

they were chatting about the olympics
and she commented that
they never showed enough
synchronized swimming.

"these women are so amazing,"
she exclaimed.
"i mean, can you hold
your breath that long
while doing feats of athleticism
upside down in a pool
to music? in sync?"

he snorted and said,
"still, it's kind of silly."
and she thought that he
only said that because
he was male and
couldn't compete.

~from "a book of private conversations," copyright 3 august 2008

Counting Toes

back in high school
she had a good friend
who kept bugging her
to join the environmental club.

he used to slip her little
notes in latin class
that said things like
"environmental club. environmental club.
yes, yes, yes."

of course,
he would also tell her things like
"just count your toes, man.
count 'em."

she never really knew
what that meant
and she wondered if
she ran about nature barefoot
if she'd eventually figure it out.

~ from "a book of private conversations," 1 august 2008

Winks and Lollipops

he interrupted them
while they sat
working on crossword puzzles and tootsie pops.
"hey, do you want one?"
she asked.

he looked at the flavors scattered
on the table and declined.
she paused and then told him
that she loved them as a kid
because they made
her tongue bright red

and she stuck out her tongue
to show him.
"see?!" she exclaimed.
"you sure you don't want one?"

he looked back at the table wistfully,
chose one and stuck it
in his pocket "for later."

and when he turned to walk away
she could've sworn that his
inner four-year-old
looked back and winked at her.

~ from "a book of private conversations," 31 july 2008