Tuesday, March 17, 2009

The Need for Quiet

Perhaps it is the Lenten season or the hint of a new season upon us but, for whatever reason, I've been thinking a lot lately about silence and the need for quiet in my life. It is not so much that this is a new need; rather, it is a continuation of a commitment I made to myself last May to quiet my mind so that my intuition and heart may be better heard and understood. And during this period of deep reflection, I learned many lessons but the largest one was that I am only responsible for myself and my own happiness. I also learned that it is not wise to take on responsibilities which are not mine, like feeling responsible for the happiness of others. I tried that once and it left me feeling depleted.

And I cultivated the silence and sat in it often. My intuition was "tuned in, tapped on" and my creative projects flourished. I felt acutely alive and it was lovely.

Lately, though, I've been feeling a little cloudy. I also have been feeling feisty and a little unsettled -- not surprising feelings given that I decided to change jobs and apartments all within the past 17 days! With so much "moving" going on, I've neglected my quiet time and I can feel the difference...'tis palpable. My creative juices have slowed and I find I'm much more emotional these days than I've been in a while. Free time ends up being "moving and unpacking" time and it leaves me feeling a tad cranky because of I feel like I'm neglecting myself in the process.

But, I've decided not to be so hard on myself for this reason -- when you put down roots, sometimes it's a little painful to rip them up and plant them anew, even when you know the new soil will help them flourish better than the old soil. And, this is doubly hard for a Cancerian like me who craves stability and security and likes a shell to crawl into when waters get muddy, even if it's slightly too small these days. The unknown becomes more tangible and my little reptilian naysayer, Zed, likes to growl out fears. EEK! Sometimes this has me running sideways!!!

The good news is that this experience of moving on reminds me how important it is to cradle yourself in the midst of some uncertainty and to quiet your mind so as to allow your intuition to guide you along the new path even when you're not sure of the way.

Some quotes which speak to me right now:

"Let us be silent, that we may hear the whispers of the gods."
~ Emerson

"In the attitude of silence the soul finds the path in a clearer light, and what is elusive and deceptive resolves itself into crystal clearness. Our life is a long and arduous quest after Truth."
~ Mahatma Gandhi

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